Being a mother is hard. I've known this information for the past 5 years, however, nothing had prepared me for the multitude of emotions that I felt over this past weekend. Everything from worry, confusion, dread, and extreme fear, to elation, relief, and happiness was felt by yours truly in a matter of just a few minutes.
Allow me to explain.....
Last Friday, my family met up with my husband's side of the family for a camping trip at Clifty Falls State Park for the weekend. It was tons of fun, but boy was it hot! On Saturday, my lovely sister-in-law, Sally, and I decided to take all of the kids (her 2 girls, Mikayla and Marissa, and my 2 kids) to the pool to cool off and relax. The pool was really nice with the zero entry and a tall water slide, but not too big. Turns out that everyone else and their uncle had the same brilliant plan to beat the heat, so it was beyond crowded. We were hanging out in the zero entry area just getting our feet and legs wet without getting too deep. The kids were having a blast walking around and just being able to play with each other. Then, all of a sudden, I couldn't find Madeline. Looking around for a few seconds, I finally saw her coming towards us from the concession area. Before I could even tell her she needed to stay close by, which I assume was a given since I say it so frequently, Travis wanders off. I go after him. Once I catch up to him, I pick him up and carry him back near Sally and the girls. I look around.... and don't see Madeline.
Before I began to panic, I did a quick scan of the area, trying to peek through the mobs of people. I walk towards the concession area and don't see her. I start walking back to Sally and can't find her. Sally noticed Madeline wasn't there and asked where she was. Neither of us could find her. I swallowed a huge lump in my throat and told myself she had to be there. My eyes were darting all over for her. Still holding on to Travis, I went up to a few high school or college aged lifeguards sitting in a little room. I told them that I can't find my daughter and they all just looked at each other, then got up and started looking for her, too. They went over and told the other lifeguards, and soon we all were looking... and not finding her.
At this point, I'm imagining the worst. I run over to the fence that looks into the parking lot to see if I can see her being loaded into someone else's car and listening for her screams. I start looking at the bottom of the pool to see if I can see her down there..... I was beyond terrified. Finally, after what felt like an eon, a female lifeguard comes up to me and points to the stairs for the waterslide asking if Maddie was the one coming down the stairs. Thank God she was!! My cocktail of emotions washed over me once again as I walked toward to base of the stairs. Sally got there first, and I shortly after. I grabbed her hand and pulled her off to the side. I dropped to my knees and told her NEVER to do that again, then I started crying. Then she started crying, and finally Travis started crying. I was so mad and so incredibly relieved at that point, that I now completely
comprehend how you can yell out of anger and cry out of joy at the
same exact time. I don't think she understood the severity of the situation right then even though we've talked previously about safety issues and what not. Still though, I never imagined Madeline to be the one to just walk off like that.
On our drive home from our camping trip, we discussed it again and I told her how scared I was when I couldn't find her. I asked why she decided to climb the stairs and she said she just wanted to see how high she was. I felt a little melancholy at her answer.... we've been hanging out dowtown more than usual lately and every time we park in a parking garage, she wants me to lift her up to see how high up we are.
Moral of the story: motherhood is as frightening as it is rewarding.
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